A Birthday

I promise that the screenshot will make more sense by the end of this entry...

My birthday is on July 25th. I had been wondering how to celebrate it (or even if I should).

Things changed after receiving an email from Social Security regarding my Disability Application. As you can see from the screenshot above, my application for Social Security Disability has been approved. This process started in January and has been moving forward (slowly) ever since then.

The approval came after my trip to a Neurologist to take a look at "The Klaw" (written about elsewhere in this blog), as well as some other (smaller) physical maladies. The examination must have revealed to the doctor that I couldn't do much of anything with my left hand & arm since the approval came so quickly after seeing the doctor, and without any write up from my psychiatrist regarding my being bipolar.

After seeing this occur, it is now very likely that I suffered for over a decade trying to work with "The Klaw" rather than submitting myself to be declared disabled back when it was first created. My stubbornness, rather than acknowledgment, of my actual condition probably cost me years of anguish & frustration when I could have been declared "ineligible to work" so long ago. While it is impossible to say what might have happened with my marriage, the fact that I struggled rather than submitting, probably hurt my long term prospects.

The next step will be setting up direct deposit and finding my own place to live (I never thought I would ever get to this point). I have already come so far after - going insane cycling bipolarly for years (and trying to commit suicide on multiple occasions), to becoming truly homeless, to getting into a shelter, and now in a shared living situation with a few others that are dealing with similar issues. The thought that I might actually ever get out on my own again has been a not very realistic dream to me.

So now that my immediate well being looks a fair bit more positive than it did only one day ago, what should I do with my upcoming birthday??? I had been planning to try and just ignore it, but that now doesn't feel like the right play to me.

I think that I am going to take a Lyft to the local movie theater to see Oppenheimer, or Barbie (or both). I may even treat myself to a piece of cake... (if I can find one)...

Of course, I am still arguing with myself over whether or not I deserve such a "treat".

One thing is for sure - my life has changed again, and this time I feel it is for the better.